Recently, I have noticed that when people ask me what my type in men is, the first thing that comes to mind is a man who can read. Naturally, someone will respond and say something like “well that’s not hard to find” or ask “that’s it.” But I mean it. I’m looking for a man who can read because the men cannot read.

Now, when I say I want a man who can read, I do not mean a man who is literate. I mean a man who can comprehend and discern information. A man with imagination. So many men I have come across believe they are God’s gift to women. These men believe that they are beacons of wisdom, but cannot read. These men swear they know everything about life and relationships between women and men, but they only see things from a male perspective. They also believe that all women want the same thing, so they see no need to see things from their woman’s perspective when they are with her.

The other day, I posted on my Instagram notes, “THE MEN CANNOT READ!” My brother responded to tell me that he reads but doesn’t feels the need to read fiction because “it’s a waste of time” and “there’s too much knowledge to be gained elsewhere.” I replied to him and told him that he could not read. He then retorted, “Girl, I read over 8 books a year. I just don’t waste my time with fiction… but I do plan on reading Moby Dick.” My brother is a perfect example of a man who cannot read.

Too many men think this way. These days, when I meet a man and ask if they like to read or what types of books they like to read, it’s always self-help and other nonfiction books. Hear me out, I mostly read nonfiction too, but I do not ONLY read nonfiction. Men who don’t read fiction or don’t read at all seem to have no emotional intelligence, communication skills, or people skills, yet are always looking for the “perfect woman.” Especially if these men are in higher education or have received higher education, they truly believe their accolades are enough and think they do not need to do anything else to make themselves desirable. Well, sir… fuck you and your higher education because you still cannot read.

A man that cannot read (not my brother)

The dentist took me on a reading date in the park, presumably to impress me. His book of choice was the 48 Laws of Power . . . Now granted, I own the same book and have been reading it little by little over the years. We had a prior conversation about that being one of his favorite books (even though he hasn’t finished it), and I expressed to him that I think it’s okay to read the book for a history lesson on power, but using it as a guide on how to become powerful is concerning and just plain ridiculous. I must also mention that Rich Dad, Poor Dad is one of his favorite books, but I digress. While on the reading date, my book of choice was The Love Songs of W.E.B. Du Bois, which is also quite long. We stayed at the park for about 2.5 hours, and I read around 20 pages . . . he read 1. Yes, you read that right; he only read one page the entire time. No, he did not get up and walk around, no, he was not on his phone, and no one else was there. He blamed his lack of reading on me talking to him, but since we were the only two people there, only we could talk, and I read more than one page. So it’s definitely not my fault that he only managed to read one page of his book.

I think it is important to remember that the dentist is in dental school and has both a bachelor’s and a master’s degree. He also believes that Tory Lanez did not shoot Megan Thee Stallion and continues to listen to Chris Brown and Rick Ross. These are all very men who cannot read behavior. I cannot tell you the last time I met someone who likes Rick Ross’ music enough to play it themselves. I also cannot remember the last time I wanted to hear Chris Brown. I have also never heard a man who can read say, “let’s play that Chris Brown” or “Rick Ross” in my adult life. I think those men believe they are doing things for a woman’s gaze, but they are really doing it for a man to think that women like them. Men do not really want to impress women these days; they want to impress other men by making them believe that THEY are the kind of guy women want.

If men were truly interested in women, they would behave differently. They would work on themselves, go to therapy, become interesting, and develop a personality. From my experience, men who cannot read tend to have a new personality every week and are constantly looking for someone to imitate, even though they believe any woman would be lucky to have them as they are. My ex, the Klansman, pretended to know how to read, but in all reality could not. He mimicked my personality and tried to replicate all the things about me that he found intriguing to make himself more appealing. I have real interests and hobbies that he admired because he did not have many intellectual pursuits. After stealing my personality, he then decided to cheat on me and woo white women. Well, it worked. He is not the first man to try to steal my personality, but he shall be my last.

Next time someone asks me what I’m looking for, I will simply say a man who can read, with no further explanation. But for the blog’s sake, I will clarify further. I am looking for a man who can read, has an imagination, and possesses his own personality. I want a man who can problem-solve, is in touch with his emotions, and can express them effectively and respectfully. I want a man that is romantic and does not have to be told what is and what is not romance. I want a man who is conscious and capable of holding an intellectual conversation without trying to tear me down or feel intimidated by a woman. I want a man who knows he does not know everything but is interested to learn all he can. Lastly, I want a man who is brave enough to lean on love, even when it is scary.

DISCLAIMER: I want to clarify that this is not a critique of why men, black men specifically, are attending college and higher education at lower rates or about the serious literacy crisis. That is a significant issue backed by much data. This post is a serious/unserious take on why trying to date men is hard due to them not being able to read.